


Take Me Back

by mercyziegler



Series: Jelix is not dead, baby! [3]
Category: Jelix - Fandom, PewDiePie - Fandom, Youtube RPF, jacksepticeye
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Drinking, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Felix is depressed, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, I should probably shut up, I'm sorry for this, Jack is supportive, Jelix - Freeform, Just a loving and passionate fuck, M/M, Not a smut fic tho bc I'm terrible at those, References to Depression, Septicpie, There's a lot of fluff tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-09-06 01:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16822804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercyziegler/pseuds/mercyziegler
Summary: Seán was feeling more alone than ever since Felix moved to LA. After moving all the way to England to live near to his best friend, he never thought the man would leave so soon after Netflix proposed to him to make Scare Pewdiepie a real series. He was happy for Felix, he truly was, but things were so different now he was alone in Brighton.Seán was never really bothered with the weather in England, but now, suddenly, he missed the sun.Felix, on the other hand, was living a dream. He had a great house near the beach; he recorded vídeos in the morning, Scare Pewdiepie in the afternoon and, at night, he could walk on the beach and drink some whiskey. Things were good. Maybe even too good.But the sun was too hot in Los Angeles.





	1. I've been a fool

**Author's Note:**

  * For [roverhistorier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/roverhistorier/gifts).



> This fanfic sort of happened and I don't know how many chapters it's going to have. Comments are always welcomed so I can know you guys like it and I can keep writing it <3

“This next week is going to be tough, everyone. We have to rush so we have time to add the CGI and make all the editing necessary before the pre-release in a month. Felix you’re going to have to take a break from recording your videos, we need you here to...”

“Not gonna happen” Felix interrupted the series director, “I’m not taking another break. I did it two months ago when I moved here, I won’t take another one. YouTube is my number one priority”.

Noticing the authority on Felix’s voice, the older man lowered his tone, “very well, then. But you’ll have to stay here at night, at least three hours more than before, deal?”

He sighed, “deal”.

“Great. You’re all dismissed.”

The Swede took his car and drove for good 30 minutes before getting home; the sun was setting and the view was beautiful, but how could he possibly enjoy it? The stress was killing him. He kept thinking about how much he wanted this and how much he dreamed about this. ‘I have my own Netflix series! How can I possibly complain about something like this?’ and then he forced a smiled. It’s been like this for the last two months and it was going get harder now, if that was even possible.

Even Edgar and Maya seemed to dislike their new routine; they had literally a whole beach to play and run, but they missed Felix all day. And Felix missed them. He missed Brighton. He missed... he missed his best friend so much.

The last one he couldn’t allow himself to feel, though. After all, he was the one who pushed Jack away. They could still talk on Discord, play games together and even visit each other on the weekends, but Felix decided to act like a douchebag and ignore all his friend’s attempts to reach him. He didn’t respond his messages, didn’t answer his phone calls and even ignored an email Jack sent him weeks ago claiming to be worried about him.

Why did he act like that? He didn’t even know at this point. He was so happy with his new life he just shut everyone down and started over; he wanted to leave his old life behind because this one would be so much better.

How wrong he was.

He fed the pugs and poured himself a drink, heading to the back of his house to relax and look at the sea. He looked at the bottle of whiskey beside him; it was almost empty.

“Oh, great. Now I’ll have to get more. This is clearly not my day” he murmured to himself. He didn’t have to, but the truth was since he moved he could count on his fingers the days he spent without going to bed drunk. He knew he had a problem but, at this point, he didn’t care. So he drank the rest of the bottle in one swig and took his car keys, heading to a gas station nearby.

“Seriously? Jack Daniels? That’s the best you have here?”

“I’m sorry, sir. This is a gas station, you’re lucky we have any whiskey at all” the cashier responded

Felix sighed, bought one bottle and a Snickers and went back to his car, taking a deep breath before turning the engine on. He was drunk already, but would never admit it to himself. He tried to keep his eyes focused before taking the road, turning the radio on to make it easier for him to remember he was driving. ‘Can’t help falling in love’ by Elvis Presley was playing.

_“This might be one of my favorite songs, like, ever” Jack said, when they were in their way to the mall._

_“Seriously?”_

_“Yeah! Don’t you like it?”_

_“Of course I do, but that’s so… cheesy” Felix laughed, looking at the passenger seat so his eyes could meet Jack’s._

_“Guess I’m a romantic” he Irish responded._

Felix could smile at the memory, but instead he got sad. And angry. How could he be so stupid? Why did he shut down the only person who made him feel… whole? Did he really thought life would be better off without him? There is no way someone could be this dumb.

“I’m an idiot, fuck! I’m an idiot!” he yelled to himself, taking his eyes off the road so he could focus on the punches he was giving on the steering wheel. The act lasted seconds, but it was enough for him to completely ignore a red light ahead of him and a car stops right by his side, centimeters away from his door.

He should have stopped after that, but he didn’t. He was nervous and panting but he just dodged it and kept going, not looking back. His mind was racing and there was nothing he could want more in that moment than to get home.

When his car was in the garage of his house and he was finally safe, Felix just gave up to his feelings and cried. He cried loud, like he haven’t cried in years. Actually, that was exactly what have happened, he was hiding his feelings for so long he couldn’t even remember the last time he cried.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” he tried to say to himself between his sobs. He had almost died because he was drinking and driving. He could punch someone who said he was going to do such thing in the past, because he would never believe them… but there he was, panting and crying because he was just too irresponsible to not drive after almost half a bottle of whiskey.

What the fuck was wrong with Felix?

He entered his house and the pugs welcomed him. He could have lost them. In one second of negligence he could have lost it all. He could have died, he could have even killed someone and it would all be his fault… just like it was his fault that he ruined things with Jack. Felix was a complete mess and he had no idea how he could fix himself at this point.

So he just didn’t.

Still crying, he opened his whiskey and drank long sips from the bottle. His throat was burning, his heart was beating fast, his hands were shaking, but his mind was focused. It couldn’t think of anything or anybody else than the person he missed the most. The person he needed the most.

Taking his phone from his pocket, he checked the time. It was 8:45PM. He forced his eyes to read the small letter on the device, looking for Jack’s name on his contacts. “There you are” he whispered when he finally found it, a picture he took of his friend in his house making the cutest pout was looking back at him. God, how he missed that stupid boy…

Siting on the couch, Felix petted his pugs and calmed down for a while before pressing the call button. His heart was still racing and his mind still focused. He had now idea of what he would say but he need to say something.

“Felix?”

“Jack. Hey” he replied, a lot less confident that he wanted to sound.

“Are ye fine, buddy? What happened? Are ye mad at me?”

“Yes. I mean, no. I mean… I’m fine. I’m not mad at you… actually you’re the one that should be mad at me”

There was silence for some seconds, “I’m sure ye had your reasons to ignore me, Fe. You’ve been busy with your series and stuff, I don’t mind if ye…”

“The only reason I did that is because I’m a stupid son of a bitch” Felix’s voice cracked in the end.

Jack changed his voice tone, “Felix, are ye okay?”

He sighed, “no, Jack. I’m far from okay. I’m a mess and I miss you and I almost died because I’m so stupid and I’m so stressed and I just want things to go back to the way they were! I was so wrong when I thought it was a good idea to start a new life here in LA, I’m…”

“Felix!” Jack yelled on the other side, “what do ye mean with ‘I almost died’? What happened?”

Felix sighed, louder this time, than took another long sip from the bottle he was holding on his other hand. “I told you, I’m stupid. I did a stupid thing and I almost caused an accident”.

“Are ye drinking?” Jack asked, almost interrupting him again.

“Yes”

“Fe, did ye drink and drive? Is that what happened?”

He took another sip, “yea, Jack. Godammit, why are you like this?”

“Like what?”

“I ignored you for weeks and you keep treating me like someone you really care about…”

“Felix”, his voice was so soft Felix forgot about the rest of the world for a while, “I care about ye. I’m always going to care about ye and if I knew you were having problems with drinking before I would have flown to there at the same instant”.

“Why?” There was no response. “Why, Jack? Why would you drop whatever you’re doing to be here with me after what I did? You should let me rot in here and choke in my own vomit…”

“Felix!” he yelled, louder this time. “Stop this! How long have ye been going through this?”

He drank another sip, “I don’t know and I seriously don’t care at this point”.

“Well, I care. I care a lot. So, please, make an effort and tell me how long have ye been depressed”

“I’m not depressed,” he said sarcastically, “I’m just drunk”.

Jack sighed; he was clearly worried. “Can ye stop drinking whatever it is that you’re drinking now? Can you do it, Fe? Can ye stop it and go to bed?”

He couldn’t. “I don’t know”.

“Felix, please. I can’t do much for ye from here, please promise me you’re going to take care of yourself for me”

‘For me’ he said, and the Swede’s heart tightened. He wished he could do it for him, that he could be fine because Jack wanted him to be and only because of that… but he couldn’t. In a low tone he whispered “I can’t”.

The line was silent for a while and he was sure Jack had hung up by now, he was going for another sip when he heard his friend’s voice. “I’m going there, then”

“What? What do you mean?”

“I mean exactly what I said. I can’t let ye live like this, Felix. I just can’t. If ye can’t take care of yourself I’m going to do this for ye. I’m leaving tomorrow.”

“Jack, you don’t have to…”

“I’m doing it , Felix. Text me your address”

He sighed, “look, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to worry you, I just... I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you so much” his voice broke in the end, like he was about to cry again.

He could almost hear the other man smile, “I miss ye too, Fe. So much”

He smiled, looking at the bottle and feeling nauseous all of the sudden. “Are you… are you doing okay?”

“Yeah, I am. It’s kinda lonely since ye left but every time I miss ye I just watch your videos and remember why you’re not here anymore, than I smile and move on. I’m glad ye called… even though you’re drunk and possibly depressed”

“I’m not depressed”

“God, I sure hope you’re not” Jack groaned. “I just want ye to be okay, Fe…”

The blonde smiled shyly, “don’t worry about me”.

“I told ye I _do_ worry. Don’t try to change that. Just… try to hang on till tomorrow, okay? Can ye do this for me? Can ye at least try?”

Felix looked down at the almost full whiskey bottle. He was considerably drunk already and that was a long day, perhaps he could do that. He could try to do that that for Jack.

“Okay. I’ll try it. I promise”

Jack smiled, “thank ye, Fe. Stay home, okay? I’ll be there as soon as I can”

“Okay” he responded softly.

“Hey…”

“What?”

“I love ye, bud. Take care” and then he hung up.


	2. How hard can it be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter just to warm up for the next one

The sun had already set when Felix decided to eat something. Looking at his fridge he couldn’t find anything that could be considered dinner; actually, he couldn’t see any food at all. The view of his fridge almost empty never had upset him before, but it did now. At the moment, everything was upsetting him. He felt… alone.

It was a Friday night and he was eating pizza alone in his gigantic living room. Pathetic.

_“I can’t let ye live like this, Felix. I just can’t. If ye can’t take care of yourself I’m going to do this for ye. I’m leaving tomorrow_.”

Jack’s words were repeating themselves in his mind and he still couldn’t believe they were true. Maybe he was hallucinating, maybe he was drunk enough to imagine the thing he wanted the most, but his thoughts were interrupted by a beep in his phone.

 _“You were supposed to text me your address, remember?_ ” it said on the message. Felix sighed; he couldn’t let this happen. Jack was about to take a plane to see him in another continent just because he was drunk and sad! What kind of person would he be if he let his friend brake his schedule and give away his weekend because of him?

He could have texted, but the letters were still too blurry for him to see them, so he decided to video call. The moment the camera showed his own face he was able to take a look on the pale sick looking mess he was, but there was no time to cancel the call before Jack picked up.

“Hey!” the Irish greeted excited and Felix smiled. His friend didn’t have his shirt on and looked like had just got out of the shower.

“Uhm, hey” Felix tried to sound half as cheerful. No success. “So, I want to tell you to not come”

Jack chuckled, “too late. My flight is at 7AM. I’m waking up at 5! The things I do for love…”

The blonde froze. Of course they messed around and flirted a lot, but that sounded way to real to be messing around. That literally caught him out of guard.

“Jack, I’m going to feel so guilty to make you come here just because I’m a broken mess. You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to be nice to me, not after I’ve been a dick to you all this time…”

“Shhhh! Fe, shut up! It’s Los Angeles, come on! I miss ye and my skin needs some vitamin D, you’re making me a favor in letting me visit. I mean, if ye really want me to…”

“God, yes” Felix interrupted. “I mean… of course I want you to come. I just don’t want to be on your way. You don’t have to have pity on me”.

Jack took his phone and put the camera closer to his face, “Felix, I have lots of feelings for ye, but pity is not one of them. Don’t worry. It’s going to be fun!”

There it was again, that feeling that his Irish friend meant the words that he said, that he really felt something for Felix. Was he always like this? Was he just drunk and alone and he was trying to find love somewhere it didn’t exist?

Probably.

“Okay. Okay, fine. I’ll text you the address”.

“Thank ye, bud! I should probably go to bed now. Hang on, okay?” Jack’s eyes were concerned, bluer than they ever were.

“Sure, bud” Felix smiled, “good night”.

“Nighty!” Jack waved with the cutest smile in his face and then hung up.

Now he only had to hang on for some more hours. ‘Just don’t have any mental breakdowns, how hard can it be?’ he told himself.

Apparently, hard enough.

After walking the pugs, texting Jack his address and drinking almost half the bottle of Coke he ordered along with his pizza, Felix decided to go to his studio. He was definitely not sleepy, but was not disposed enough to play a game at the same time, so he decided to look at some videos on his PC.

Most of them were videos from Scare PewDiePie, since the crew used to send him the scenes from the day just so he could see the work he had done, but there was also a folder he almost didn’t remember he had; ‘videos I’m never going to publish’. There was mostly bad videos in there, subjects he chose to discuss about that weren’t worth of a video, but there were some personal videos too. Jack was in most of them.

An Instagram story of one day they spent together on the beach, the cinnamon challenge they did just for fun on Felix’ house, the day they went up the Brighton Tower and Jack almost threw up and just a normal day Felix decided to film, just because he liked the way Jack looked when he was recording a game. He smiled to himself, such a good life he had…

He looked at the clips from Scare PewDiePie and remembered how much fun he was having when it started. He made new friends, laughed all the time, arrived home smiling and singed in the shower for almost an hour. ‘Where did that person go?’ he wondered, because everything was just grey now. When and why did it all change?

Felix decided to forget about it and go to bed and, for his surprise, he slept right away.

He woke up at 9AM on that Saturday, going for a long walk on the beach with the pugs before getting to work. He had a meme review video pendent so it was not hard to record the first video, his fans on Reddit were his salvation on days like that. About midday he decided to go out to have lunch; he was in need to see people again.

Eating a sandwich, Felix couldn’t stop thinking about Jack. ‘Would I do the same for him? If he ignored me for weeks and called me drunk, would I take a plane on the other day to see him?’, ‘absolutely’ he immediately responded to himself. Jack was pure and kind and he deserved the world; if Felix could, he would give it to him.

But Felix did not deserve it; he did not deserve him.

Suddenly, it all crumbled back down. He went back home and starred at his bottle of whiskey, trying his best to resist it. Trying his best to deal with his mind sober… but it was just too much. He opened it and a few sips later he was already crying. He didn’t know why or what made him have a mental breakdown like that, but it happened. He did not try enough. Jack would be so disappointed.

“It’s 1:37PM and I am drunk. I’m recording this video to… to tell you I failed. I failed you, guys. I thought I could handle it all until the end, but I couldn’t. I reached my limit today. Brad’s doing his best to keep the videos fresh and funny with memes and filters and whatever, but the thing is: I’m not happy. I am stressed. I feel alone. God, I feel so fucking alone in here! I know how excited you are about Scare PewDiePie and I’m not giving up on that because of you. I’m going to keep going and I’m going to finish it for you, but I can’t record anymore for at least a week. I can’t…” he sobbed for a while. “I can’t handle it. I’m depressed and I keep drinking my worries away and I… I’m lost”. Felix sighed, looking at his red eyes in the camera. “I can’t post this” he whispered and then turned the camera off.

He drank all his bottle of whiskey and cried himself to sleep in the couch.

He woke up to a familiar voice on the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always welcomed <3


	3. Fetch!

Jack waited for good five minutes until Felix open the door. He was looking wrecked, like a truck had just hit his face – and he still managed to look absolutely stunning.

He didn’t even say anything before hugging the Irish with all the strength he had. The sun was already setting and all that Felix wanted was to be with Jack someway; now he was there. Their skins were touching and there was nothing he could want more in that moment.

“I missed ye too, bud” Jack smiled in his shoulder, hugging Felix tighter before letting him go.

Felix took a step back, taking a better look on his best friend. His hair was longer than normally and he had a little bit of a bread going on. The blonde smiled.

“Looking good, Spidicy”

Jack laughed, “why thank ye, mister! Ye don’t look bad yourself! Although ye could use a shower…”

“Am I stinking?” Felix took a few more steps back, feeling embarrassed all of the sudden.

“I could literally smell whiskey from the other side of the street”. Jack came in and closed the door behind him.

Felix looked back at his empty bottle of whiskey. Actually, there was two of them… and a box of pizza with some slices inside. His house was a mess.

He blushed, “oh my God. Oh my God, Jack. I’m so sorry! I fell asleep and everything is a mess and I’m ridiculous and I fucking stink. Oh God, I’m such a mess. I’m sorry…”

The Swede kept apologizing while taking some things off the floor and running in circles. Jack left his suitcase on the hallway and held Felix’s arm gently, until he finally stopped.

“Fe, don’t worry about it” his voice was soft. “Go take a shower, okay? It’s gonna make ye feel better. I’m going to make myself at home, okay?”

Felix took a while to process his friend’s calm voice, then nodded.

“Good. Now go. I won’t go anywhere” Jack said smiling.

Somehow that was enough. Felix smiled back and did what his friend asked him. Meanwhile, Jack cleaned up Felix’s living room, thinking about how bad he must have been feeling to not clean up his house. Felix was always the most organized person Jack has ever met; seeing him in that state broke his heart. He wasn’t there to feel bad, tough.

He was going to save Felix from himself.

After eating some Japanese food Jack ordered, Felix started to feel better. Not only physically, but also emotionally. He was laughing and he meant it for the first time in days. He felt happy again.

“Did Edgar and Maya eat already?”

“Yea, I just gave them their food. Why?”

Jack looked down, “they look bothered”.

“It’s because I didn’t go out with them today… Actually, I didn’t do anything today” then he snapped, “oh, no! Jack, I didn’t post my video!”

The Swede started panicking again, but Jack stopped him. “Wait! Fe, don’t worry. Just leave it. Tweet ye got sick and couldn’t do it. People are going to understand. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself”

They starred in each other’s blue eyes for a while, then Felix sat down again. “You’re right. You’re right, Jack. I- I’ve been pushing myself way too much lately…”

“I know, bud. Things are going to get better, I promise. Just… calm down for a while”. Jack looked outside the window, “You know what, let’s walk your pugs now and breathe some fresh air, shall we?”

Felix nodded. He tweeted what Jack had said he should and they both went for a night walk on the beach.

After almost half an hour just enjoying the silence and each other’s company, Jack remembered the reason he was there in the first place. Felix had all the time in the world to walk in silence, but not that weekend.

“Hey, Felix”

“Hm?”

Jack picked up a twig from the sand and tossed it, “fetch!”

Edgar went for it, Maya stayed put and Felix looked at Jack with the funniest look on his face. “Seriously?”

“Oh, bud. Ye missed it! Come on, try again”. The Irish took the twig from Edgar’s mouth and tossed it at Felix, “fetch”.

And he did.

“Good boy” Jack came closer and messed with his still wet hair.

“What the fuck was that all about?” Felix asked, trying his best to hold a laugh.

His friend smiled, “just needed to be sure ye were still my bitch. Seems like that’s never gonna change”

Felix was shocked. “Since when I’m your bitch? You were always my bitch, you fucker! Now that I’m depressed you think you can just come here and become all dominant on me? Na-ah, you don’t! I can be a mess right now, but I still own that ass of yours, Sean”

That went way farther than the Swede was expecting. He was with his face closer than it has ever been to Jack’s and had this predator look in his eyes. The smaller man took a step back, trying to recover the breath he’d lost.

Jack coughed quietly, “well, that got… intense, all of the sudden”.

“Don’t look like your bitch now, do I?” Felix tried to play it cool, but the truth was he’d lost it for a while. Maybe he was still drunk somehow, but that got intense because a part of him wanted it to get. A part of him that was hided for a very long time.

Jack giggled shyly and they started to make their way back to Felix’s house; there was silence again.

“So, did ye throw a party in here yet?” Jack asked, sitting on a beach chair.

Felix nodded, “last weekend, actually”.

They were sitting side by side now, looking at the sea and trying to avoid eye contact.

“How was it?”

“Fine, I guess. I drank too much like I always do, so there’s always something that I regret later”

Jack turned at him, “what did ye regret?”

No response.

“Did ye, like, kiss someone ye didn’t want to or something?”

Felix finally looked back at him. “Well, that’s a pretty specific thing for you to ask. Are you spying me, Jack? What the fuck…”

“So ye did kiss someone!”

Felix didn’t plan to tell Jack this. Actually, he didn’t mean to tell anyone because no one had seen it, but something about his best friend didn’t let him lie. He trusted him more than anyone in the world.

“Yes” he said ashamed, “I kissed someone”.

“And why do ye regret it?”

“Because… because it was a guy”.

Jack was probably more shocked than he let show. There was silence for a while and the Irish waited for Felix to look up at him to finally say something.

“Is this why ye regret it? Because it was a guy? Fe, that’s not a problem at all…”

“I know it’s not, but… I- I didn’t even know him”, he sighed. “I think he was friends with this guy from the crew, Tobby. I was just… you know, drinking and dancing on the corner and he came to me asking if I had a shirt to borrow to him, because he had spilled beer on his one. I told him to follow me and he came to my room”.

Something snapped on Jack.

Jealousy.

“I grabbed an old anime shirt I had and he took his off. That’s not weird, you know? Men walk on the street with their shirts off, that’s normal, but somewhat I felt… embarrassed?” Felix continued. “I found him… attractive? And it was so weird, I was so confused and I could just think ‘I’m drunk, it’s okay to have weird thoughts when you’re drunk’. Then he noticed how uncomfortable I was and asked if everything was fine and I couldn’t even respond, I just froze. It all happened so fast after that and I don’t know how I gave away that was attracted to him, but he noticed. He just came to me and held my chin up to look at him. He waited for some reaction I guess, but I just… I just closed my eyes”.

Jack was definitely jealous.

“We kissed and he said ‘thanks for the shirt’ and winked at me. I stayed in my room for a while after that and when I came out he was gone already”.

Definitely jealous.

Noticing Jack didn’t react Felix thought it was time for him to stop, but Jack suddenly spoke.

“So, ye don’t even know his name?” Felix shook his head. “And do ye… do ye want to know?”

The Swede looked at his friend. His expression looked almost like he was hurt. “No. No, I- I don’t want anything with that guy, except maybe my shirt back, that would be nice” he grinned, but Jack still looked sad for some reason. “I- Sorry, I shouldn’t have told you that. It’s obvious you’re bothered about it”.

“No” Jack almost yelled, “no, Fe. I mean, I’m kind of bothered because of the guy himself and the way he just kissed ye and left, but I’m not bothered about the fact that you’re bi. Actually… actually I’m happy about it”.

Jack made eye contact for the first time in a while. “Why would that make you happy?” Felix asked.

The Irish shrugged, “because I am too”.

“WHAT?” Felix almost feel off his chair. “How come you never told me that?”

“I wasn’t sure about it, I’ve never kissed a guy before!” He sighed, Felix was still shocked. “But I…”

He looked at his friend, he had a suspiciously cute grin on his face. He was leaning in in Jack’s direction, like he wanted to hear him better, and his hair was messy because of the wind.

Jack smiled. “I think I’m in love”.


	4. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SUPER SHORT idk why but i thought it would be better to post this one as a separated chapter, don't judge me

“YOU’RE IN LOVE?” Felix yelled way too loud. “You’re in love. With someone. Who is a guy. And you didn’t tell me”.

Jack nodded, smiling.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?”

“FELIX, CALM DOWN!”

“NO!”

Jack started to laugh, he couldn’t tell if it was just funny or if he was nervous. Probably both.

“Again: I was not sure” the Irish continued. “I didn’t know if I was in love with him or if I just missed him, like, as a friend”.

Felix stopped to think about it for the first time. Jack was in love. With a guy. And this guy was not him. ‘Why am I bothered about this? As long as he’s happy I’m happy too. Jack’s my friend’, he thought. ‘Only my friend’.

“So, there’s some guy out there Jacksepticeye can’t stop thinking about. The only man that can call himself Jacksepticeye’s first male crush…”

“No, that’s Ryan Reynolds” Jack promptly said, then giggled. Felix didn’t.

“You’re going to tell me who is this unlucky bastard?”

Jack hummed and leaned in Felix’s direction. “If I told ye, I’d have to kill ye” he whispered.

“YOU’RE ALREADY KILLING ME, JACK!” Felix forced a laugh. “Seriously, dude. I’m your best friend. I just told you my deep dark secret and I’m not even drunk! I deserve to know!”

“Okay, first of all: I’m proud of ye”. They both smiled, not breaking eye contact. “Second of all: ye might not want to be my best friend anymore if I told ye who is he”.

Felix buffed, “do you even hear yourself, Spidicy?” Jack shrugged. “I’d still be your best friend even if your gay crush was Donald Trump”.

“GROSS!” Jack laughed.

“I KNOW! So trust me when I say it: nothing and no one’s going to make me renounce my position of jacksepticgay’s best friend!”

“I’m bisexual, Felix”.

“Jacksepticbi” Felix stopped for a couple of seconds. “Damn, that actually sounds cool! Let’s change your channel’s name to that”

Jack laughed, then kept shaking his head, looking at the ground. “It’s not like this, Fe” he said in a serious tone.

“I know, I wasn’t really expect you to change your channel’s name…”

“NOT THAT, IDIOT!” Jack couldn’t hold his smile, even though his nerves were killing him. “If I told ye… it could really ruin everything”. He looked at his best friend and their eyes locked, “I don’t wanna lose ye again, Fe”.

What could be a perfect time for Felix to call Jack ‘gay’ one more time, actually made him sad. He didn’t think his friend cared so much about him, but he sure knew how much he cared. And if they both cared so much, what could possibly ruin it?

“You’ve never lost me, Sean” Felix was almost whispering, eyes locked on the other man’s. “You’re the best thing I have in my life”.

Felix’s voice broke in the end of the sentence and he had to brake the look. He looked down for only a few second, but when he looked at Jack again he was crying.

“Damn it, Felix” Jack said with a stuffy nose voice, cleaning his tears with the sleeve of his shirt.

The Swede couldn’t say anything even if he wanted to. As an impulse, he got up of his chair and kneeled in front of his friend’s chair, hugging him. Jack hugged him back strongly and started sobbing on his shoulder.

“Please, don’t do this” Felix whispered, tears filling up his eyes as well.

Jack tried his best to stop sobbing. “I’m sorry”, he murmured.

“Don’t apologize”. Felix broke the hug to look into Jack’s eyes, but the Irish was trying to avoid his look at all costs. “Look at me” the blonde whispered and Jack finally did. His pupils dilated.

“I’m such a cry baby” Jack chuckled and Felix opened a soft smile, cleaning his own tears this time.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to” Felix said. “I’m not going to push you”.

Jack looked down and nodded. Felix stood up and gave his friend a little squeeze on the hand, before sitting back on his chair. They stood there in silence for good 5 minutes before someone finally say something. It was Jack.

“Ye promise ye won’t laugh at me if I tell ye?”

Felix nodded and Jack took a deep breath.

“It’s been a while since ye left and I missed ye so much everyday. I got used to have ye around, ye know? And everyday I felt like something was missing. When I figured ye didn’t wanna talk to me I started to freak out. I thought ye had been gone for good, that I’d never talk to ye again and that I’d never see ye again and I fucking cried just thinking about it. I couldn’t stop thinking about ye and everyday I watched your videos at least twice because I need to be sure ye were okay, ye know? And one day ye posted a video that was called ‘Meet my new girlfriend’ or something like that and my body froze. Seriously, I was desperate on thinking ye actually had a girlfriend now. Of course it was just a meme, it’s always some meme, but then I started wondering why did I get so mad with the idea of ye having a girlfriend. That’s when I started to realize I might have a crush on ye and when ye called me yesterday I just… I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to see ye, to touch ye, to… I just had to be with ye again. And I had to be sure that I felt something more for ye. Now I am. I’m in love with ye, Felix”.


	5. Trust me, I'll take care of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT TIIIIMEEEE (poor swedish swearing included)

There were so many things for Felix to process in that moment; and he didn't process any. He just stood there with the dumbest look in his face, trying to understand all the nice things the person he loved the most in the world had just told him.

Jack felt ashamed seconds later, "welp, thanks for not laughing". He forced a smile and stood up, heading to the door to go inside.

"W-Wait" Felix could finally speak, "wait Jack, please. You need to listen too".

"Can ye make it quick? Like, avoid the parts ye say how disgusted ye are because I realized that already".

"What?" Felix left his chair and stood up in front of his best friend. The light was low and the wind was blowing hard in the nape of his neck. "Jack, I'm flattered. I couldn't describe what I'm feeling any way better than that..."

"But?" the Irish interrupted.

"Not buts" Felix promptly said. He touched Sean's face with the back of his hand, taking a little step closer. "You know how I realized I was bisexual and not just drunk that night?" he waited for their eyes to meet, "because the moment that guy's lips met mine I could only picture yours... and how good they must taste".

Felix stepped even closer, licking his lips and taking his hand to the nape of Jack's neck, holding it gently but hungrily. Jack lost his breath for a while and his muscles simply wouldn't respond to him anymore.

"You have no idea how happy I am to taste them now".

With that, Felix closed the distance between their lips and their bodies connected so tight that not even the wind couldn't find a way between them. When Jack could finally move, his hands held the taller one's waist and they deepened the kiss. Felix now had one of his hands on Jack's hair and the other one under his shirt. Their tongues tasting each other so intensely that was like every turn the Earth had ever made till that moment was to make it happen.

They were both breathless when they broke the kiss and looked at each other with a smile different than any other they had seen on each other. Everything had changed.

"Ye know, I was supposed to be yer first kiss"

Felix giggled, "I know. I'm sorry, babe".

"Oh, are we calling each other 'babe' now? It was just a kiss Felix, keep it in yer pants".

They both laughed and their breaths mixed up as their faces got closer again. "Maybe I don't want it to be just a kiss" Felix whispered, biting his lower lip and checking Jack's expression for some kind of consent.

The Irish was shocked for less then a second before looking directly at Felix's lips and locking his blue eyes into his. "Maybe I don't want it either", he whispered back.

After a quick kiss, Felix took Jack by the hand and they hurried to the Swede's room. Closing the door behind him, Jack took a look around the place. It was huge! Felix had everything; a giant TV, a king sized bed, a full closet and peeking by the half opened door to the bathroom Jack could see a fancy suite with a hot tub inside.

"Holy fuck, Fe. Ye live like a king"

"And I'm not happy, so what's the point of all this?" he answered, taking his shirt off and looking back at the amazed man behind him. Felix got closer and smiled shyly with the look Jack gave him. "Did I tell you how good you look with those earrings on?"

Jack blushed. Hard. "Ye think so?"

Felix didn't even respond before biting his temple and Jack could feel his toes curling involuntarily. A soft moan formed on his throat and Felix giggled while he bit it again. Jack buried his fingers on Felix's naked back and the blonde started to take the other man's shirt off slowly. Jack got impatient and took it off himself, taking his shoes and socks so quickly Felix didn't even realize their lips had parted until they were smashed together again.

"Someone's on a rush, huh?" Felix teased.

"Shut up" Jack responded breathless. The blonde held the Irish's waist and turned them around so they could lay on the bed, only their jeans and boxes on.

The kisses got more and more intense, they were fully aware of each others erections and that they were in a point with no return. The desire so long hidden filled the room around them and their soft moans were the only thing they could hear.

"Do ye have... lube... or something?" Jack asked shyly, trying to sound relaxed but there was no way he could hide how nervous he actually was.

"Don't worry, babe" Felix whispered, giving him a little kiss on the nose. "I'm going to take care of you".

The Swede got off the bed to reach a drawer below his bed. He took a bottle of lube and got back on top of Jack, only a little lower than before so his hands could unbutton his jeans. Felix kissed the Irish's stomach and started to lower his pants, along with his boxers. Jack didn't complain on being completely exposed, he was too hard to care with his insecurities.

Felix reached for Jack's mouth for another kiss and the friction of his jeans on the Irish's crotch made him moan.

"I could hear you moaning forever" the Swede whispered in his ear. The kisses went down to his neck and Felix didn't resist the eager of leaving a hickey. Jack moaned again to the feeling, his legs automatically going around the blonde's waist. Felix couldn't stop himself from teasing the other man; he was completely in love with every touch, every noise, every move he was making.

"I'm gonna make you feel so good, babe" he whispered, and with that he slid down the other man's body and licked his length from the base to the top. The sudden feeling made Jack arch his back and bite his lower lip so hard it hurt. Felix smiled at the scene and repeated the move, giving quick cat licks on the top before taking it in his mouth.

"Holy shit" Jack moaned, covering his mouth so he could pretend he was not making so many loud noises, but he couldn't control himself any longer. Felix picked up the pace, taking it all in without even gagging. Jack would probably ask how he was so good at blowjobs, but he couldn't talk even if he wanted to.

Jack held Felix's hair, trying his best not to show he was about to cum already. It just felt so good, better than any sex-related thing that he ever felt. It was not just the blowjob, it was those fucking blue eyes looking up at him with his cock on his mouth.

"Fe-Felix, I'm-"

And as quickly as that, he stopped.

Jack was panting, "why did ye stop? Fuck".

"That's what I intend to do" Felix winked, climbing up to his lover's mouth. "Don't worry, babe. I told you I'd take care of you, didn't I?"

Jack nodded. "Then trust me" the blonde bit his earlobe again, he had found out recently it was one of his favorite things. Felix kept kissing his neck and chest, then took his pants and underwear off in a quick move. Jack kept looking at him, not being sure in what to do but still amazed on how hot Felix were.

"Y-Ye want me to blow ye?" Jack asked, leaning his head forward a little bit. Felix shushed him with his index finger, pining his head back on the pillow. "I just want you to relax and enjoy yourself. I wanna reward you for being so good to me, okay?"

"But I-"

"Shhhh" and again Felix's finger was the other man's mouth. "The only noise I want to hear from your mouth is you whimpering my name".

Jack held his breath and closed his eyes for a second, enough for Felix to take both of his wrists and hold above his head with one of his hands. When Jack opened his eyes the only thing he could see were ocean blue eyes staring into his.

"Think you can stay like this for me, babe?" Felix whispered in his mouth. Jack nodded, keeping his arms in the same position after Felix let them go. The blonde slid down the Irish's body again, opening his legs and kissing his inner thighs, ripping off the most beautiful moans from Jack's mouth.

He took the bottle of lube and opened it; the click of the bottle made Jack jump. He was nervous again. Felix noticed and went back to kiss his inner thighs again, filling his fingers with lube. He didn't even close the bottle before putting it aside.

"You trust me?" the blonde asked again. Jack took a while to finally nod.

"You want this?" he confirmed.

"Felix, please" was the only thing the Swede could hear in a soft and panting voice.

He placed Jack's legs around his waist and kissed his lips with passion, making circles with his lubed finger around his entrance so he would be as relaxed as he could be. When he felt Jack's body get less tense around him, Felix slowly slipped his finger inside him. The Irish's back arched and he waited for some seconds to start to move.

Jack's arms were still up and Felix held his wrists again. Before Felix could ask if he was okay, Jack whispered a silent 'more' in his ear. The Swede waited for a while, picking up the pace before inserting another digit.

"G-God, Felix! Fuck" he moaned. Felix had to control himself not to cum only from his moans. This time Jack relaxed faster around him, making room for Felix fingers to move and scissor inside him, while his mouth wouldn't stop giving kisses anywhere he could on the Irish's body.

Felix should probably stop teasing the other man, but he couldn't. He loved it. And Jack loved it, too.

After what felt an eternity of Felix's fingers fucking him, Jack finally found words to speak. "Felix, please" he whined.

"What?"

"Please" he moaned. Felix's fingers still inside him.

"I wanna hear you say it" the blonde whispered in his mouth, biting his lip.

"F-Fuck. Please, Felix. Fuck me, please"

He smiled, "good boy".

He let go of Jack’s wrists and quickly filled his cock with lube. He aligned himself with the loosened entrance of the other man, slowly pushing it so it wouldn't hurt. "I'm okay" Jack whispered, finally moving his arms so they would wrap around Felix and his fingers would carve in his back. The Irish felt his vision blackout the moment Felix slid his cock inside him and both men moaned loud, Felix just now realizing how hard he was and how much he needed this.

They started on a slow pace that didn't last for long. Thrusts got harder, deeper, both hungrily grabbing each other's skins and panting between kisses and moans.

"D-Do you think you can come just from me, babe?" Felix breathless voice asked.

Jack nodded, "s-so close".

That was enough stimulation for Felix to pick up the pace even more; Jack's nails were buried in his back, the Swede lifted the other man’s waist with one hand to make the angle better.

"Oh, fuck, fuck, Fe-" then everything he could see was white. His body unresponsive from overstimulation, his breath loud and fast while Felix continue to fuck him for a while. " _Det känns så bra, jävla_..." the Swede moaned, touching himself and coming on the other man's stomach.

He laid down next to Jack, their brains still damaged from the orgasm. They stood there in silence for a while, panting and sweating with the softest smiles on their faces.

"Damn" was the first thing Jack said and they both laughed, "haven't had an orgasm like that in ages" he completed the sentence.

"Same" the blonde answered, turning to his right just to see Jack's eyes on him already. They smiled and kissed for a while, slowing their heart rates and recovering their senses.

“We need a shower” Jack whispered. Felix agreed, getting off the bed and heading to the suite. “Ye have a nice ass, by the way”.

Felix stopped by the door, looking back. “You too, by the way. A very nice one” he winked and got on the shower, leaving the door opened and a giggling Jack behind.


	6. Not anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting close to the end, bois

After taking a shower and going back to a now clean room with clean sheets, Jack sat beside Felix on the bed, who was looking for something to watch on Netflix.

“Is this how couples work? They stay Saturday nights at home watching Netflix?”

Jack grinned at Felix, whose eyes were still fixed in his giant TV. “I can’t tell if ye think this is good or bad… also, are ye implying we are a couple now?”

Felix dropped the remote by his side and starred at Jack, who had to control himself not to laugh at the scene. “Seriously, Jack?”

The Irish smiled and Felix continued. “Okay, fine. We are not a couple then. You go back to Brighton and you make sure to send me a picture when you’re nailing someone else there. In fact, just make a livestream of it. I’m sure everyone’s gonna love the fact that you are fucking with anyone but me…”

“FELIX, SHUT UP!” Jack was giggling and the sound of it made Felix smile. “I was just kidding, asshole. Besides, the only reason I was surprised that ye implied we were a couple it’s because it sounds too good to be true”.

Felix looked down, so the other man couldn’t see him blush. “Now you’re overreacting”.

“Whatever, boo”, Jack accommodated himself beside Felix. He laid his head on the Swede’s shoulder and fought the urge to look at his blushed cheeks. “What are we watching?”

Felix took a while to respond. “Any recommendations?”

“Ant-man”.

“That’s oddly specific” Felix giggled.

“Yeah, I just saw it right there and felt like watching it. I’ve only watched it once when it came out and it’s so good”.

“Alright, then”.

He pressed play and the hours travelled fast. Between laughs and puns there were those moments where they would just look at each other. No kissing, no words, just a look that yelled ‘Thank you for being here with me right now’ in each other’s faces.

“Well, that was actually really good”.

“Told ye”.

Felix yawned, his eyes almost closing. “I think I need to sleep a little” he said ashamed.

“Ye need to sleep more than a little, Fe. Ye forgot the reason I came here in the first place? Ye need to rest”.

Felix smiled with a tired expression. “Alright” he turned the TV off and positioned himself to sleep, Jack was lying down on his chest. “Just don’t leave while I sleep”.

The Irish giggled. “I told ye; I’m not going anywhere”.

The looked at each other again, the same grateful look but this time with a kiss in the end. They smiled and Felix turned to the other side, he would have to get used to someone’s warmth around him after all this time sleeping by himself. Not like this actually mattered at the moment, because less than 5 minutes after Felix was already asleep.

Jack waited for a while before leaving the bed, he was not asleep and he wanted to check his channel on PC before going to bed. Looking for Felix’s studio, Jack noticed some things he hadn’t before, including a picture of them on the living room. He grabbed the picture in a fancy portrait and remembered how happy they were that night; one of the many times they went to the beach at night to watch the lights on the pier and feel the waves on their feet.

The times were simpler back then and he missed it greatly. So much had changed so fast.

Finally recognizing the room, Jack entered the studio and closed the door behind him. The computer was on, but the monitor was on stand by. Felix probably forgot to turn it off.

When he moved the mouse it didn’t even ask for the password before opening on the last thing Felix was doing. He was recording a video, apparently. No gameplay, no internet browser, nothing but his face. “That’s weird” Jack whispered to himself. He got interrupted by the noise of tiny paws trying to open the door.

“Oh, hey there boy” he welcomed Edgar to the studio. “Sorry to disappoint ye bud, I bet ye thought I was yer dad”, Edgar seemed happy to see him anyways. “Maybe only yer stepdad… someday”.

His attention went back to the video on the computer screen. Something inside him made him think twice before watching it, but Felix was his best fr- boyfriend. Jack would never hide something from his boyfriend and he figured Felix wouldn’t too.

“ _It’s 1:37PM and I am drunk. I’m recording this video to… to tell you I failed. I failed you, guys. I thought I could handle it all until the end, but I couldn’t. I reached my limit today…_ ” Felix said in the video. Jack was shocked, not only because of what he was saying, but because that was the same day. He had been through this only hours before Jack got there. The Irish knew that he would never record anything like this if he didn’t think he absolutely needed to.

The video kept playing, the pain on his face made Jack sick. He felt everything like it was happening to himself. “ _I can’t handle it. I’m depressed and I keep drinking my worries away and I… I’m lost_ ”. Felix looked at the camera, directly into his boyfriend’s eyes. There was tears running down his cheeks, his blue eyes were more red than white around. “ _I can’t post this_ ” he whispered. Then he turned the camera off, forcing the video to stop.

After that he drank some more and when Jack arrived he apologized for not doing anything to wait for him, but how could he? Felix needed help more than Jack could ever imagine.

“I didn’t know he was feeling like this” Jack whispered to the cute dog looking at him.

“I’m not anymore” a hoarse voice said and Jack got jump scared so hard he felt his soul leave his body for a while.

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, FELIX! YE ALMOST KILLED ME! FUCK” he was panting.

The blonde laughed lazily “I’m not feeling like this anymore”, he continued. “I was drunk and alone and… well, maybe I also needed to get laid or something”.

Jack laughed, but his eyes were still filled with worry. “Why are ye awake, anyways?”

“Maya woke me up, I forgot to take her to bed with me... I only got up to tell you that. When I heard my own voice I figured what was happening, so… you don’t have to worry about it. Just delete and do what you have to do there. I’m going back to bed”.

Felix smiled shyly and turned around, heading back to his room.

“Fe, wait”

The Swede stopped and turned, Jack was on the door looking at him.

“I-“ he started, but he had no idea what to say. He believed Felix and he knew he was feeling better, but depression was not something you could fix so quickly. He was happy now, but what about tomorrow? What about the rest of the week when Jack’s not there? What about the rest of his days on LA?

He was still looking at Felix, his mouth half opened and his eyes lost on the other man’s. In a blink, he just tossed himself in his arms and hugged the Swede as tight as he could. He was never going to give up on him and he needed him to understand it somehow. Felix hugged back, closing his eyes and laying his head on Jack’s shoulder.

“I love ye” Jack whispered. “And I’m not giving up on ye, okay? Ye deserve to be happy and I’ll do my best to make this happen and don’t ye dare try to stop me”.

Felix giggled, “thanks, Sean. I love you, too”. They kissed and Felix went back to bed.

Jack didn’t even remember what he wanted to do on the PC anymore, because all his mind could think about was that he needed to be with Felix for as long as he could. He turned off the computer and brought Edgar and himself to join Felix and Maya on the bed. The Swede was already asleep when that happened; Jack landed a kiss on his blonde hair and turned around to play on his phone.

Tomorrow he was going to be on a plane back to England, but not after he made the best of the little time he had on LA with the love of his life.

It was going to be a busy Sunday.


	7. Take care of my boyfriend while I'm gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG! But I didn't give up on you, so here's the last chapter

“FUCK!”

Jack opened his eyes, the scream seemed to have come to the kitchen. Edgar was barking and he could swear something was burning. He grabbed his phone; it was way too early for him to wake up on a Sunday, but that was LA…

“ _KNULLA DEN HÄR SKITEN!”_

And that was his boyfriend burning the house.

The Irish got up from the bed smiling, brushed his teeth and grabbed one of Felix’s sweat pants to wear. Arriving to the kitchen, he could recognize the smell of coffee and burned toast. Felix was quiet, but Edgar was still barking.

“Do ye want me to call 911?” Jack teased.

The Swede jumped, “oh my God, Jack! Why are you up already?”

“Because I thought ye were burning the house down!”

He sighed, turning the coffee machine off. “Ugh, sorry I woke you up. I’m not used to… you know… having someone around”. Jack got closer to him. “I just wanted to make us some breakfast, but I apparently forgot how toasters work”.

Jack giggled. Besides the burned toasts, everything looked good. There was milk, cereal, some non-toasted bread and even some pancakes with maple syrup on top. He knew there was nothing of that in Felix’s house yesterday, which meant he got up even earlier to buy all of this.

“What time did ye woke up?”

Felix shrugged, “about 7. I was intending to wake you up with a better surprise than myself swearing over some burned toasts”.

They both laughed, Jack leaned in and gave his boyfriend a kiss. “Ye didn’t have to worry about that”.

“I know, but I wanted to. I’m sorry again…”

“Shhhh” Jack put his finger over the other man’s mouth. “I love it, stop being sorry. It’s all perfect, ye’re perfect. Now let’s eat”.

The blonde smiled and joined his boyfriend on the table. They stood quiet for most of the time, Jack kept humming on how good everything tasted and he even ate the burnt toasts with ketchup.

“So, what are we doing today?” the Swede asked.

“I don’t know, ye’re the one who lives here. What do ye usually do on weekends?”

“Sleep, record, take a walk, record some more, read books, visit Mark, go to parties with the SPDP crew, drink…”

“Wait, have ye been talking to Mark?”

“Well, yeah. He lives nearby. Wasn’t I supposed to?”

“No. I mean, yes sure. I’m glad ye keep in touch, but… since ye distanced yerself from me I thought…” Jack looked at his boyfriend, “nevermind”.

Felix got what he meant. He told himself he wanted to get away from his past life because he didn’t want anything to hold him back, but the truth was that Jack was only the only thing that could possibly hold him back. He could drop everything because of him and he couldn’t take the chance.

He thought he needed to live his life the way it was now. He thought everything would change once he moved to LA and it really did, but just because he let it.

“I’m sorry. I know I’ve said it before, but I really am…” Felix was looking down.

“And I told ye don’t need to be”. Jack forced an eye contact, “everything is going to be fine now, okay?”

Felix nodded smiling.

“Now let clean this up so we can enjoy this city a little before I go back. I want a complete tour”

“Jack, you’ve been to LA before…”

“Not with ye. Plus, ye live here now so ye must know cool places, right?”

Felix thought a little, “I guess…”

“Great, let’s go” and with that Jack was cleaning the table as fast as he could which made his boyfriend laugh.

They were going to make the most of the day.

Their first stop were a huge avenue where sellers from everywhere displayed artworks and clothes. They kept hours looking at stuff and walking around the never-ending aisle of tents. Jack bought a pair of glasses, two t-shirts and a hat that read “someone who loves me bought me this hat from LA”. Of course he made Felix wear it the rest of the day.

Then they headed to the Santa Monica pier and Jack started a healthy competition with some kids to see who would win a 4 feet tall hippo plushy on the amusement park. The kids ended up crying because their mom wouldn’t give them more money and Jack eventually was able to shot all the ducks and get the hippo.

“I can’t believe you made those kids cry just to get this” Felix argued when his boyfriend handed him the plushy, “how are you going to take this home anyways?”

“I’m not” Jack smiled, pushing the hippo closer to Felix’s chest, “it’s for ye”.

“For me?”

The Swede started giggling and continued until they both sit on a bench at the pier. “Why would you struggle that much to give me this?”

They were sitting close to each other, the hippo was on Felix’s lap and he was holding it carefully. Jack smiled at it. “Remember when we used to go to the arcade?”

“Of course I do”

“We always wanted to get the bigger prize but we just couldn’t resist trading our credits for the dumbest cheap stuff they had…”

“Hey! That magic wand was not dumb, shut up!”

They both laughed and Jack agreed. “Anyways, I wanted to give ye something for ye to remember me when I'm gone since I got here and I had no idea what, but I guess the biggest plushy in here will have to do”.

Felix smiled at his boyfriend and couldn’t hold the need to give him a kiss on the lips. Even if someone had seen it, he didn’t regret it. “Thank you” he whispered.

“I’m gonna call him Bakugo!” Felix yelled all of the sudden, looking at the hippo’s eyes.

“What the fuck is that name?” Jack laughed.

“Come on… it’s anime”

“Na-ah, ye’re not gonna call our son Bakugo. Not on my watch!”

“Oh, that’s our son? Damn, then the only acceptable name would be…”

“Ethan” they both said at the same time.

Their laughs could be heard in the whole pier, since neither of them were really good at being quiet. They talked for a while and ate ice cream, before going back to the car.

“We should probably go home so I can pack my stuff…” Jack said, his voice not as cheerful as it was before.

“Yeah…” Felix said, suddenly already feeling empty inside. What was he going to do now? How could he possibly live this far from his boyfriend?

Jack noticed the vacancy in his boyfriend’s look and held his hand. With a gentle squeeze he reassured him. It was going to be okay.

They went back home listening to Jack’s favorite song.

After packing his few things up and Felix placing Ethan on a very high place so Edgar wouldn’t destroy him, Jack said goodbye to the dogs – and the hippo – and they both went to the airport.

“So, we still have 2 hours to kill. Wanna eat something?” Felix asked, his voice tone lower than usual.

“Ye know I always do. Let’s grab a McDonalds” he smiled to his boyfriend and took his hand, only to realize seconds later Felix was a celebrity and people could not know about them just yet. He had a lot in his mind already, so Jack just let his hand go and they both walked side by side.

They were a lot quieter than they were planning to be in these last moments, just commenting on this around them and the conversations wouldn’t last. Felix in particular had his head somewhere else, he was thinking about his life and how it would be from now on. Sure, a lot had changed this weekend and he had a reason to be happy and not give up right by his side, but at the same time nothing really changed. He still lived alone in LA and the stress was still too much for him to handle.

“Look, Fe” his boyfriend said on a soft voice, waking him up from his thoughts. “I know it’s going to be hard for ye to be alone in here again, but… I want ye to do what makes ye happy. Ye need to take care of yerself and that means ye need to look at the world from another angle. I mean, ye know I’ve been depressed too and trust me when I say the only thing that can take us out of this pit is ourselves”.

He held Felix’s hand again, trying not make the gesture something romantic, but reassuring. “Ye need to look at the bright side of it all, okay? Ye have fans, family, dogs and the best boyfriend ever. What more would ye want?”

Felix giggled. He didn’t know what to say because there was nothing else to say. Jack was right, he had a lot of love surrounding him, it was almost unfair to take his back to it.

After a while, he sighed. “You’re right” was the only thing he could say.

Time flew by and Jack had to enter the boarding area. At the door they both hugged for a solid minute before letting go.

“Take care of Ethan, he’s a needy boi”

Felix giggled, “I will”.

“And take care of yerself, don’t ye dare do something bad to my boyfriend”.

They both laughed this time, “okay, but only because you asked so nicely”.

Jack got closer to his boyfriend’s ear and whispered “I would ask even more nicely if I didn’t have to go now”. It was visible they were more than friends to anyone around, but they wouldn’t give them the confirmation.

Felix bit his lip and only shook his head. He couldn’t allow himself to say anything or they would keep it going for a long time. Not that he wouldn’t love that…

“I’m gonna miss you” it was all he said.

“I’m gonna miss ye too, love” Jack whispered. And with no kissing or touching hands, he walked away and looked back before disappearing on the other side of the door.

Felix’s heart skipped a beat. ‘What now?’ he wondered. He made his way to his car and only then he remembered he was still wearing that stupid hat. He took it off and looked at it, a smile couldn’t leave his face.

Before he turned the engine on, he received a message on his phone.

 _‘When can I see you again?’_ his boyfriend asked and he kept starring at the screen for a while. It was going to be a rough week, but after that he would be free to focus on his life. On his health, on YouTube and, of course, on his boyfriend.

And the best place to do that was certainly not in LA.

 _‘Maybe sooner than you imagine ;)’_ he texted back.

Would he really move countries all over again to the same small town he used to live? Give up on the perfect house he had on Los Angeles?

Like, what’s the chance of him regretting this decision right after he did it?

‘ _I love you’_ he received as an answer. The swede smiled at his phone.

Not even one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me writing an epilogue? More likely than you think.....


End file.
